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love, death, dreams, and the sleep between

by fine.

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1.
White Noise 02:20
Black in my eyes White noise in my ears Music's playing You're leaving soon I miss your voice Find me again Alone in my room Will you return soon I miss my younger life Innocence and candlelight I didn't know I didn’t know what was waiting
2.
I know it's post-death but I could give you a good life She said she'd say no a thousand times over Play hell with your photo in the corridor Find me alone on the bedroom floor I'm shedding to make room for a new skin I'm shedding to let you in When they say what you seek is already within It's not just me I'm trying to convince A sincere apology to the one who becomes me I never meant any harm I just wanted to leave Still so young and surrounded by love The halls I walk you used to walk, when you could Leave me clues for when you're gone Like you did when I was young I'm shedding to make room for a new skin I'm shedding to let you in When they say what you seek is already within It's not just me I'm trying to convince A sincere apology to the one who becomes me I never meant any harm I just wanted to leave
3.
Just give me a little more life Just give me a little more joy Just give me anything I need more than this She said My heart has been aching so so much How am I meant to feel following all of this loss? They're leaving over and over again I can't keep my head up Just give me a little more time Just give me a little more love Just give me anything I need more than this She said My heart has been aching so so much How am I meant to feel following all of this loss? They're leaving over and over again I can't keep my head up There's a piece of me that wants to turn around Give up on everything and shut you out To stop you from leaving over and over again So make my mind up -Why not try again -I'm not scared of change anymore -So why not try again I used to remember everything Now I can't tell you what I did yesterday But this is me and I'm doing a little better since sixteen But please Go easy on me
4.
Lens 03:45
I could cry at the memory of holding you up I tried so hard but I wasn't strong enough So I sat with you and reassured Our lights were glowing as they were torn My eyes adjust to the room White noise across my lens view Traffic hums in the twilight as the sirens continue Moving on through different bodies We miss the old ones eternally My eyes adjust to the room White noise across my lens view Traffic hums in the twilight as the sirens continue Siren sounds in the night Familiar, alone I used to be scared of the dark even in my own home My eyes adjust to the room White noise across my lens view Traffic hums in the twilight as the sirens continue
5.
It’s the pre-death dreams that are circling over me Another stage of grief that I’m processing I’m telling your stories in the walls where you were They listened closely but didn’t say a word I cried at the innocence of leaving you again I watched as your existence here slowly came undone, returned home, moved along and carried on Am I lagging behind Am I falling in line It’s been so long since we were intertwined With my hands in the dirt I searched for the seeds With eyes closed I wished that they’d come to me I cried at the innocence of leaving you again I watched as your existence here slowly came undone, returned home, moved along and carried on I cried at the innocence of losing you again
6.
Forgive Me 02:08
You're sharing your premonitions It's a pity that we have to say goodbye I close my eyes You tell me to wake up You're drifting off I don't say a word What was it like to wake up today? Forgive me I can't help my crying Right there in the garden That's where I want to be Don't leave me Promise you'll consecrate me Place me where he's buried I want to be there soon I've never known a house so quiet With windows wide The smoke still lingers In the walls where you reside Everything is so different now It's been this way for a while Forgive me I can't help my crying Right there in the garden That's where I want to be Don't leave me Promise you'll consecrate me Place me where he's buried I want to be there soon The sun glows strongly The clouds grow heavy It's almost like everything is saying goodbye
7.
I’ve been catching shadows moving from the corner of my eyes I love the saints in the morning on All Soul's Night The connections were feeling are ever so right Wake me up a bit more as the veil lifts tonight I feel like I’m in retrograde to everyone else There’s nothing left to talk about except my personal hell But it makes me feel such comfort In a new kind of way That we all live and we all die all the same Brace the free fall It’s incredible Like a planet I’ve been wandering and you’re wandering as well I fear I’m far too lonely Only time will tell Were you just a star in my eyes from a light year away By the time you’re in my sights you already start to decay I feel like I’m in retrograde to everyone else There’s nothing left to talk about except my personal hell But it makes me feel such comfort In a new kind of way That we all live and we all die all the same -Love, death, dreams, and the sleep between Brace the free fall It’s incredible
8.
Tired Eyes 03:26
I woke up at 3 that morning Everything started to align I watched the world pass by From your old bedside You must've watched the moon through tired eyes Arch over the neighbourhood where everything's the same Your time came too soon All I ask is that you leave me something more Or anything at all to live for All your belongings are still in their place It's quiet now, I sit up straight There's music there that rests unplayed In every record, CD case, and broken tape You must've watched the moon through tired eyes Arch over the neighbourhood where everything's the same Your time came too soon All I ask is that you leave me something more Or anything at all to live for I'm half in mourning I'm half living again You could do anything
9.
Lullaby 02:27
Sleepy eyes I can hardly keep them over Give me a sign A sense of a last day feeling A fresh start fever A warm embrace Through every open door Singing "the world's still at my feet" Heavy heart You can hardly keep it open Mine's open wide Falling slowly Breathing out softly Hold aquamarine Through every open door Singing "the world's still at my feet" It's warmer now where we are A small piece of heaven Free from doubt I feel it in my throat A children's song Making me cry Through every open door Singing "the world's still at my feet" Sleepy eyes I can hardly keep them open Send me a sign that you're fine.
10.
Interlude 01:27
Brace the freefall, it's incredible Brace the freefall, it's incredible Brace the freefall, it's incredible
11.
I’d etch your name into tables Before I learned to write it into songs These days I sleep with aquamarine Because I don’t have anything else to hold The love I knew was shining Behind eyes locked into mine I’m not feeling anything for anyone But I don’t mind Underwater Breathe out dreams Head is slowly settling I am beside myself But in a different way I know you’re here with me Your body’s free from all that you were made to be In my dreams you didn’t die I planned your birthday surprise In my dreams I was dancing It felt something like home Did you miss what I said Did you misunderstand I’ll say it again I’ll say it out loud Underwater Breathe out dreams Head is slowly settling I am beside myself But in a different way I know you’re here with me Your body’s free from all that you were made to be
12.
Same Floor 03:37
What if I could see you again How I see you in dreams How I took everything in during your last few years Now I'll lay myself to rest I've been sitting in the same place I've been here before Same floor Staring at the same wall IV glow My heart beats slowly I need to calm down I need to go home I've been low The grey lifts over It numbs any sound I need to go home Somebody is covering me while I'm recovering I've been thinking it over I was running on empty Watch my colour draining In the morning I'm okay I can't help but falter when each day's a tidal wave Watch my colour draining In the morning I'm okay And yet still I falter
13.
Bed 02:52
If I could turn and talk to you I wonder what you'd say I think that I like how I've grown I hope you'd say the same I've been overwhelmed by living All I want to do is stay in bed The panic attacks are slowly easing When you said things would get better... Is this what you meant? There are old notebooks on a shelf I kept a record of when I wasn't doing so well Quietly waiting to begin again Back then I couldn't tell That I'd been overwhelmed by living All I'd want to do is stay in bed The panic attacks were slowly easing When you said things would get better... Is this what you meant?
14.
IFSBIMY 02:43
I remember that day I stayed up all night I packed my things and took the first train The sun through the window The landscape flattened out I got home and slept for a day I'd never felt so safe feeling this way -I miss you every single day There's a place in my head that transcends your death It precedes your birth I met you both there I didn't want it to end Waiting to see you again I was so young I'd never felt so safe feeling this way -I miss you every single day
15.
9 Years 03:47
Encourage me off of the walls like you did in years before Draw me into song The Sanskrit dances on our tongues I’m heading for as much devotion as the sun on the horizon A life without a loss of focus I’m not getting younger It’s been 9 years And now you get to know me They always ask me how I’ve been and I think what a question I’ve honestly been doing fine. But you should’ve seen me the other night My mind goes back and forth in conversations But things don’t feel right This should be a time to feel alive This day doesn’t seem to end I wake up to the lights low Parts of my life have been dying off Now 3 years in a row In a mix of feelings I settle in the middle of meaning It’s quiet in the eye of a storm that rolls inside of me And now you get to know me It’s been 9 years They always ask me how I’ve been and I think what a question I’ve honestly been doing fine. But you should’ve seen me the other night My mind goes back and forth in conversations But things don’t feel right This should be a time to feel alive
16.
Body In Me 02:13
Those seconds felt like days 12 years of never separating I'll write the time up with every spare minute I'm existing, I'm waiting I wait for the bells to ring There's this body in me When are you returning How long is long enough The bells rang 6 times There's a body in me You're returning Those two weeks felt never-ending With this body in me Please never leave
17.
Sleep 03:10
I'm driving back to your house tonight Though everyone's asleep I'll lock the door and listen out But you're silent when you sleep Of all that I do and everything I've been It's you who started this Of all that I've been through and everything I've seen That made me feel something like complete My head takes on disaster routes You hold me like your daughter With the same sweetness and love I see an innocence in slowly leaving Of all that I do and everything I've been It's you who started this Of all that I've been through and everything I've seen That made me feel something like complete Then it's gone again
18.
Spin Me Out 04:02
Spin me out Use your words A lifetime ago I was another girl Devoid of feeling All those mornings I’d lay in bed The green room and silhouettes Of the records I’d collected Before we laid you down to rest A sickness rises up in you Like a slow decay The slowest fade We watch you wither away All those mornings you lay in bed Purple rooms and silhouettes Of the records you collected Before we laid you down to rest We’ve seen the grief We’ve come so far Since those twelve year old kids Lost in the dark Shed the fearing All those mornings we’d lay in bed White room and silhouettes Of everything we’d collected Before we laid you down to rest
19.
Sit, watch, listen Dull, dull, flicker I fixate with precision Then burst into colour through a prism Gold fever cry Tears through hollow eyes I cover over and hide Another piece of my troubles die It's 2010 "Wide-Eyed and Willing" again Starting to dream Of the soon-to-be dead It's so easy to see Eventually, everyone will leave It's so easy to see Eventually, everything will disappear Sit, watch, listen Keep myself at a distance My head's my haven, my prison For every best and bad idea It's so easy to see Eventually, everyone will leave It's so easy to see Eventually, everything will disappear

about

Written and recorded sporadically April - November '22.

Recorded on 8 track without the use of computers.

credits

released December 2, 2022

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about

fine. Boston, UK

fine. is

Liam James Marsh (Kid Chameleon)
kidcham.bandcamp.com

Alice Kat
alicekat.bandcamp.com
www.facebook.com/alicekatmusic/

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